Couples Therapy
Supporting you in (re)-creating connection, communication, and compassion in your relationship
Your relationship is missing the connection and spark it once had.
Sometimes we are not sure how things got to where they are. It started slowly and you are not sure what happened. Things used to feel great and over time you have been realizing that something just doesn't feel right in your relationship anymore.
Maybe you have been feeling like it is so much harder to communicate and that everything seems to lead into an argument. That no matter what you say, you don’t feel heard or understood. Or maybe instead of fighting, you find that you are not communicating at all. You have found yourself longing for the ability to have an easy conversation, to express your needs, and to be able to listen to your partner and feel heard in return.
Perhaps the balance feels off in your relationship or you feel like you have been pulling more than your fair share for a while. It might feel like divide and conquer is your strength but when it is just the two of you, you have forgotten how to be together. Or maybe it is feeling like you have lost the connection you once had and now you feel a bit more like roommates than partners. You find yourself missing your partner and wanting to connect. Even though they are right there, they feel far away and you just want to feel close again.
Despite all the struggles that you have been experiencing, you love your partner.
You want to find the path back together, to a place where you feel deeply known and connected with each other. You just don’t know what steps to take to help you get there.
There is a path towards more connection, communication, and compassion in your relationship.
We all want to be able to communicate effectively in our relationships and to build strong connections, but often we are trying to do so without a road map of how to effectively communicate. I have often said that we need a class in high school to teach us how to communicate effectively.
If you have been struggling with your relationship, you are not alone. Most relationships struggle at some point or another. Life can be hard and it takes effort to have our relationships last through the twists and turns.
The good news is that there are ways that are proven to help you repair, reconnect, and thrive in your relationship.
In couples therapy, I can provide you with the map towards your goals for your relationship. I help couples to find each other again. Together we will focus on how to communicate in a healthy and constructive way. To be able to talk through topics in a way that builds connection and understanding. From negotiating whose turn it is to clean the bathroom to setting new boundaries with your in-laws, it is possible to have conflict that creates understanding instead of pain in a relationship.
I can help you to map out the pattern of your relationship and identify real, applicable ways for both partners to start changing the pattern so that the needs of both partners are met. Often disagreements and moments of disconnection follow a similar pattern and by discovering this pattern, we can change the ways that you are able to interact with your partner. My goal is for you to be able to say that you have the relationship that you have been longing for and I am here to help you get there.
What does couples therapy look like?
Couples therapy will not look like:
Talking about how the week went without addressing the real, underlying issues
Re-hashing arguments without changing the outcomes
Finger pointing and blaming
Couples therapy will look like:
Implementing specific tools and strategies to change the ways in which you communicate
Understanding the ways that you communicate and patterns in your relationship
Sustainable change and mutual accountability
Couples therapy with me will not feel like coming in each week, talking about how the week went or re-hashing an argument. Instead, I will take the time to get to know you and your particular relationship dynamics and needs. Then I can provide you with the specific tools and strategies that can revolutionize the way that you communicate, helping you to rediscover all the reasons why you love your partner along the way.
In couples therapy, I view the couple as the client, not one partner or the other. That being said, each partner brings unique needs, wants, histories, and personalities to the work. To be the most effective, it is important for me to understand you each as individuals and your dynamic as a couple.
What do sessions look like in couples therapy?
At the start of couples sessions, I meet with all couples individually for at least one session. The first four sessions of couples therapy include two joint sessions and an individual session for each partner. Specifically we will meet in the following format:
Our first session is a joint session as a couple to establish goals for therapy/understanding of current struggles, review the history of your relationship, and for me to observe your communication and relationship dynamics.
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We will then meet for individual sessions (sessions two and three) with each partner to understand individual needs and desires for your relationship, individual histories, and your individual needs for the therapeutic space to feel supportive and safe.
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In our fourth session, we will have a joint session to discuss my assessment of your relationship, clarify goals based on information shared in the first three sessions, and agree on a treatment plan for how to help you meet those goals as a couple.
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From there we can use this map to help reach your goals, learning new ways to communicate, understand, and connect with one another, to build lasting change in your relationships. In our sessions, I can help you practice new skills, gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner, and begin to change the patterns in which you communicate. I provide structured activities to do outside of session as well to help you see the change in between our sessions.
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Learn how to have conflict that builds connection and understanding vs separation and pain
Understand your partner on a deeper level
Feel loved, appreciated, and valued by your partner
Know the ways to love and connect with your partner effectively
Set healthy boundaries that protect both of your needs
Stop perpetual problems and find effective compromises to hard-to-solve topics
Find ways to connect and have fun with your partner again
Couples therapy can help you to :
"Connecting is not magic. Like any other skill, it can be learned, practiced, and mastered." - Dr. John Gottman
Frequently Asked Questions about Couples Therapy
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I use a variety of evidence-based methods in couples therapy. I have advanced training in the Gottman Method (completed Level I and II training as well as specialty training). This method uses an assessment of the strengths and growth areas of the couple, as well as interventions that are based on decades of research to help build connection and effective communication in couples.
I also integrate elements of Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) which is another gold-standard treatment that has been empirically validated as an effective approach to couples therapy. This method focuses on understanding the patterns and cycles of interactions within a relationship and building a safe and secure bond between partners.
Lastly, I utilize elements from Internal Family Systems Theory to help understand the way that different parts of ourselves interact with one another, creating increased tension or conflict in our relationships.
In summary - I rely upon therapeutic strategies that have been proven, by research and experience, to make real and lasting change in relationships. I am continually engaged in additional learning and training to provide you with treatment that is aligned with cutting-edge knowledge and the highest standards of care.
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While couples therapy is designed to involve both partners and relationship change often occurs more easily when both partners are invested and willing to make change, I can also meet with individuals who are wanting to invest and make changes in their relationships. In relationship therapy for individuals, we focus on how you might contribute to the dynamics in the relationship and how you can make changes to support the health of your relationship.
Sometimes partners will see these changes and become motivated to also engage in the therapy process. Other times, they may still be resistant to making change and we can process what this means for you.
Please note that I only can only see a client in either individual or couples therapy, but not both. If you start working with me in either individual or couples therapy and want to transition/add in the other style, I am always happy to provide referrals to another provider and am happy to collaborate with that therapist as well.
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In couples therapy, we will typically meet weekly or biweekly depending on your goals. While the overall length of couples therapy can vary widely depending on each couple, your motivation to change, and the topics that bring you to therapy, most couples will start to see some initial change within the first 5-8 sessions.
Our beginning sessions are designed to build the roadmap for our work together. In our first history, we will meet all together and review the history of your relationship, the things that are bringing you into therapy, and your goals for therapy. I then meet individually with each partner to be able to understand your needs for your relationship and to understand you as an individual to be able to support both partners effectively in our process together. By our next joint session, I can present a plan for how to start to navigate the topics that you would like to address.
In the “working phase” of therapy, I will provide you with tools and skills to start to change the cycles of conflict you experience in your relationship and to promote connection and understanding. In our sessions, we can practice these skills, address barriers to implementing new communication styles, and gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner. I also provide “homework” assignments to help you continue to work on these topics between our sessions.
Ultimately, you should start to see changes in how you connect and communicate in your relationship and may start to feel like these changes are becoming normal. At this point we can transition into a maintenance stage of therapy where we meet once a month to help the change continue without needing to work on actively making changes.
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While we will typically meet in sessions all together, occasionally, having individual sessions can help me to ensure that both partners feel seen, heard, and understood by me in our sessions. Individual session can help support you in clarifying your needs or perspectives in the relationship, practice skills or prepare to share difficult topics with your partner. This allows us to be sure that the therapeutic space feels beneficial and supportive to you both. When we schedule individual sessions, I require that we have balanced sessions. This means that I meet with both partners for the same amount of individual time for each person to help maintain balance in our sessions.
